Speak Your Peace - continued

The band didn't come to fruition until I moved to Austin, what some might consider the music capital of the world. Ursula's Curse started out as a screamy, angry, punk band in 1996. There was a coffeehouse in Austin called Cafezino, which was run by two women who were very generous, and they let us play there when we first started out. I can now admit we weren't nearly the kind of band we are today. We yelled and screamed a lot; the owners actually stuffed paper napkins into their ears one night during a performance. So we took that as our cue and started playing bigger clubs that were better equipped for louder bands. I had also begun to realize that my style of singing had more to do with trying to sound tough and brave while I had a complicated, souring relationship on my hands. I was angry at everything.

It's interesting, being the plus-size lead singer of a rock band, in a time where size 0 is the coveted ideal and a 21-year-old woman has set the ultimate physical beauty standard for female performers. Some might say it takes guts. But what I think could be the ultimate gutsy move, regardless of what size you wear, is having the courage to not only be yourself, but to openly admit that you like yourself the way you are. I've started asking the audience during our shows, "How many of you honestly think you are fabulous, that you totally rock?" I'll do this at the beginning of a show, and toward the end I'll ask again. It's incredible seeing the difference in the response after you've spent an hour telling a group of people that they are amazing just the way they are. The whole vibe of the room changes. It's clear to me: people need to know this about themselves.

Today, we are adding the finishing touches to our new album, "Entitled." I named it this because I had an absolute meltdown awhile back. I was fuming for days, muttering on and on about all the things we as women go through in order to feel good about ourselves: rigid diets, endless exercise, cosmetic surgery, etc. I remember saying to my partner, Darren, that we should all be entitled to be ourselves, and that I was thinking seriously about penning a song about just that. Meltdowns are my saving grace. Amid hurling objects around my living room, there are occasional flashes of great stuff. So I wrote the song and it became the title track.

Recently after a show, a woman approached me and handed me a photograph of a carved sign pertaining to an order of nuns called the Ursulines. She was very excited about what we were doing, and how it tied in with the nun's teachings of self-acceptance and of helping women reach their full potential, even hundreds of years ago. I had heard of them a few years back and had found the similarities to be more than a bit coincidental. "You know, it's very interesting what you're doing. You're trying to teach people they're fabulous," she began, drawing parallels between our band and the Ursulines. "Fabulous" has become my signature word that I can't use enough, both on stage and off. It was so exciting that she clearly understood what we were trying to communicate.

Now, I believe wholeheartedly, that until you love yourself the way you are this very second, warts and all, you will be chasing your tail for the rest of your life. Imagine if we collectively stopped waiting for the right number on the scale, or the correct BMI, or the smallest size clothes, in order to feel OK about ourselves. Imagine if we all said, "Stop. No more. We are fabulous, just the way we are."