Speak Your Peace

By Gia Melissa Marciano

Gia Melissa Marciano is the plus-sized frontwoman for the Austin, TX based rocktronic band, Ursula's Curse, which tackles issues of body image and self-esteem in both women and men. Their single, "I Know I'm Fine," from their forthcoming album,"Entitled," has been included on the soundtrack of the new plus-size model documentary,"Curve" which was profiled in WOM last month.

I remember standing in a dressing room inside The Avenue clothing store a few months after the birth of my second son. It was late; the sky had turned a murky gray and the store was getting ready to close. I was staring at my reflection in the full-length mirror -- black pants, big boots, slinky top, and a black leather jacket. It was as if I had never seen myself before. I was big, that's for sure. I took up space. And, for first time ever, I had honestly allowed myself to like what I saw. I felt strong and confident. I had waited for this moment forever.

All my life, I had been self-conscious about my appearance; never mind that I was working out almost every day and dieting erratically. In my mind, the success or failure of the band was directly related to the circumference of my hips. I had grown up believing there was something terribly wrong with me because my weight seemed to fluctuate quite a bit. I remember, starting when I was a child, never feeling comfortable in my own skin. When I was 6, my first grade teacher had us trace each other with chalk on the black asphalt. I deliberately spent the entire class slowly tracing the outline of my best friend's body to avoid having my own chubby shape summarized on the blacktop. As I grew older, aside from never being able to look like all the other girls in the latest fashions, what terrified me the most was the thought of not being allowed to have the kind of life I craved: I wanted to be a performer. And as far as the world was concerned, bigger girls need not apply.

In the early 1990s, I lived in California --- that's where I'm from, the San Francisco Bay area -- and I was working as a photojournalist. I was exhausted; I was living like a total nut with negatives everywhere -- long strips of film -- in my car, in my house. I was just running ragged. A friend of mine said I should do this training called "Lifespring"- it's basically a weekend course on how to get the most out of life-- which she felt would help put my life into perspective. She thought I could use a little help in figuring out what really mattered to me. "You're running around like a nut, and you look like Beetlejuice," she said. So I completed the Lifespring Basic Training and became very clear on what was important to me and what I wanted to do with my life. One of the things that happened as a result was that out of nowhere, this term "Ursula's Curse" just popped into my head. I've always known that I wanted to sing, I've always known that I wanted to entertain, either by acting or singing -- I was a summer theater kid growing up. Mostly, though, what I really wanted was to front a rock band, and when it came to me -- Ursula's Curse -- well, I thought, that must be the band name.